While out for a smoke just a few minutes ago, I pondered over my own life: how I envision it to be, where it currently is, and what would probably fill the gap to take me from its current to my envisioned state. Mind you, this is not something I normally do nor is it something I’ve ever thought of before. Never. I have this fondness of not thinking too far ahead most probably because of the “endless possibilities” premise. Endless possibilities either make me try to map all possible end points out in my mind or they blank me out. The former drains the life force out of me and the latter is just plain scary for someone with a hyper brain.
Going back to me thinking of addressing the gap between my current state and what I envision my life to be… I caught myself, uhm, wishing. That if only I get this one thing, I’d give up other things I’d rather still be doing but which could be to some, at the back of my mind, and probably versus the general sense of morality, something that’s just wrong or excessive or even immoral. Call it guilty pleasure, addiction, or vice, if that suits you better. Got my drift? I said to myself, I’ll let go of things I enjoy doing if only I can bridge the gap and have my way and start a clean slate.
“Universe, give me what I want and I’ll make the sacrifice.”
Seconds later, another thought hit me: what if it doesn’t work that way anymore? With all the unanswered wishes, what if the conspirators-who-grant-random-individual’s-wishes have long changed the rules of the game, made a memo, signed it with an elixir of Virgin’s blood, fang of a Mnemovore, and sweat of a Succubus and had it shredded to pieces but enforceable to their Memories so no one would ever find out that things work the other way around now…
“Make the sacrifices first and only then will we give you what you want. Bitch.”